Memory, Excess & the Fictional Self
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When recalling a sense of one’s past Self, I suggest that characteristics can be identified – ones that have been discarded as well as some that have been carried into the present moment. Acts of remembrance form the basis of this research document, where I look to explore the construction, through experience, of a person’s sense of who they are, where they have come from and who they may become in the future. In exploring common links between two memories, I will look to question the possibility of being able to consciously and continuously inhabit a space where there is the possibility of recognition of something that is not entirely visible to one’s Self. Sarah Ahmed suggests in ‘Queer Phenomenology’ that ‘things become queer precisely given how bodies are touched by objects’ and frames these ‘things’ or ‘experiences’ and ‘interaction’ in the context of ‘here’, ‘there’ and ‘within’. It is this sense of ‘queering’ experience that will look to challenge commonly understood notions that discuss memory as integral to the construct of Self. I will suggest that through acts of remembrance, a space is continually sought to create a space for an invisible Self – a Self that is not continually visible, rather, only visible in relation to Richard Dyers ‘orientation towards others’. In considering this, the emphasis will be placed upon the fluid nature of identity and its ability to move between non-fictional, ‘real’ states of being to the socially constructed. Furthermore, parallels will be drawn between ‘excess’ and Deleuzian notions of ‘vibration’. Derrida’s ‘under erasure’ will be integral to this discussion insofar as suggesting that our ‘secret’ Self gains meaning from its absence.