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In Book 7 of Praeparatio evangelica, Eusebius of Caesarea presents an account of the origin of idolatry: Failing to detect the divine origin of the universe and the higher goal of the human soul, humankind was captivated by the superficial beauty of the material world and began to worship that which appeared good to the senses—pleasure. Only the ancient “Hebrews”, the true ancestors of the Christian believers, were able to discover God’s providential care in creation and understand their telos as beings endowed with a rational and immortal soul. In this paper, I argue that Eusebius’s account of the origin of idolatry and the contrasting narrative of the piety of the Hebrews can be read fruitfully through the lens of anti-Epicurean polemics. Approaching anti-Epicureanism as a malleable polemical strategy that transcended attacks on actual Epicureans, I bring Praep. ev. 7 into conversation with several ancient texts by Christian and non-Christian authors. My aim is to demonstrate that Eusebius adopts a polemical strategy that was well-established in ancient literature as he employs many of the widespread charges of anti-Epicurean polemics: pleasure as the good, epistemic reliance on sensation, denial of providence, and rejection of an immaterial and immortal soul. By attaching some of the most infamous philosophical opinions and deviant “Epicurean” characteristics to his opponents while attributing to the Hebrews views that most of his learned contemporaries would have considered sound, Eusebius seeks to reorder notions of belonging and thus enforce the boundary between Christians and Greek learning.